If I’ve ever wanted to live inside of a song, this is it. I was walking home from the bus stop during some summer month of high school, on a very quiet road in the middle of the forest. Everything was dead silent and yellowed, and I had my headphones on, black cord slipping out from a discman in my backpack, and this song came on. It was the most meaningful thing in the world, completely incongruous with my surroundings, and I’ve been in abject, unrequited love ever since.

After returning from the organic farm and the weekend with the hot French girl, things haven’t been the same. I came home to a weird little life full of excess junk – stuff I’d purchased, never used, never could use, was taking over my life. Life hasn’t felt right, and I feel like I’m in this desperate struggle against an invisible clock to get things together. I cut off a ponytail that I’ve had since junior high school, I’ve ripped down posters and filled garbage bags with my life. I’ve spent entire days unable to really eat or get out of bed. I’ve read really bad comic books, and I’ve had a hard time balancing everything, or functioning like a normal person.

I’m just putting the finishing touches on a mobile of robots that I designed for my friends and their baby, laser-cut from MDF for about $100, hand-painted, and miraculously, fitting together perfectly on my first attempt. I’m getting the hang of this laser plotting stuff. I’ve also working on conceptualizing and storyboarding a children’s book about a superhero, and a pinball machine design for a friend’s project. It’s been a rough week to make anything, because I can’t see the light at the end of it all, but I guess I might as well keep busy.

I honestly don’t know what it all means anymore, but I’m working towards finding a stable rental situation with my friend, searching out home listings that are cheaper than the insane Westchester & Putnam Country rates – even going so far as to spend a Thursday hunting down Humane Society locations and picking out dogs to take care of. We eventually had to leave when they failed to take us seriously due to our giggling. Around this time last year, I had signed a lease and put down a deposit on a place in Philly which didn’t work out. There’s a place in a little town called Ancram or something similar which we’re looking into.

Back to art things. Wish me luck.