When you sign up to be a librarian, ‘having a kid spit on you from the second floor’ isn’t usually in the job description. Belligerent parents who insist that they’ve never returned a late book, the local vagrants falling asleep at the computers with pornographic websites on the screen, and even a restroom or two sprayed with excrement – all of these aren’t too outlandish.

No one warned me about the spitting.

I am a glorified video clerk, except video clerks are paid better. And get to watch movies all day.