toys


[Part Two]

bootleg_paint

Nothing much to say here but COLOR-DELIGTH VARIED!

bootleg_soldier2

I especially love the cyborg ‘Imitator’ and ‘Captain Hook’, who they are sure to define as THE PIRATE. In case we thought we were getting Captain Hook : The Optometrist.

bootleg_wrestlers2
These are not, in fact, poseable. And they have sculpted nipples. I especially love the fan in the background with the banner that simply says ‘WIN’. He doesn’t care who comes out on top, as long as he sees someone get hit. Truly a man’s man.

bootleg_warrior3

I don’t know what this is, but I think I just peed myself out of some unnamed emotion that is a pure mix of terror and complete amusement.

toys


[Part One]

bootleg_camera
Oceans of raccoons. A camera that can anoint you. Multiple win.

bootleg_warrior
It’s like they tried to mix kaiju with Barbie and made something that appealed to no one, ever. And that skirt leaves nothing to the imagination.

bootleg_warrior2
Another couple of warriors intent on going beyond the century. Considering that I probably purchased these somewhere around 1999, I say that they achieved their goals. These are actually very cool kaiju pieces.

bootleg_wrestlers
BABY RUTH!

bootlegninja
Figure TRULY, SURELY GLOWS! WE PROMISE! WE FUCKING SWEAR, OKAY? GOD DAMMIT HE’S GONNA GLOW THIS TIME I SWEAR ON MY MOTHER’S GRAVE!

Just what every warrior who depends on stealth and the dark of night needs – glowing powers.

More to come.

toys


I found a large box in my closet. Well, I’ve found many – but this particular box is completely full of a few years worth of dollar store toys.

Things that can cut you. Things that can blind you. Things that have no grasp of copyright or spelling. Things that are potentially hilarious. If Toygiants taught me anything, its an appreciation of every toy in its rawest, sloppiest form – smeared with paint and harboring visible seams.

bootleg_adventure_king
He’s the king of adventure, defending the stars. How awesome is that? You know, if it didn’t suck so intensely and come with torso-sized Liefeld guns? It’s worth noting that the illustrations are madcore awesome.

bootleg_pokemon
With real, live Zone Power Of Spinning. This was probably from that bygone era when Pokemon were still an infectious disease that was slowly devouring America and ruining Saturday morning cartoons forever.

bootleg_lover_mermaid

An unfortunate mistranslation that steals from both Lisa Frank and Disney : My Lover Mermaid, because ‘My Mermaid That Has Sex With Me’ was already taken.

bootleg_bart_pencilcase
A snowstorm can be exciting! Water skiing is of the newest in the family of sports! Move over, sonw on skis! It’s like a collage was brutally sodomized, and this is the evidence.

bootleg_superchange
Transformers : Robots in Denial. It actually changes into an even less attractive pile of junk.

More to come.

toys


ghost2

As someone who has had his hands in resin and experimented with toy materials from rubber to MDF to anything else I can find, I’m struck by the strange gracefulness of DC Universe Classics’ Wave 8 Gentleman Ghost figure. Every so often, the formal properties of a comic book toy transcend the state of ‘toyness’.

The character was created in 1947 by Robert Kanigher, and primarily was designed to harass Hawkman and Hawkgirl (because his spirit cannot die until their spirits do, and unfortunately for him, they are perpetually reincarnated), so plenty of credit goes to him and Joe Kubert for creating a character that was basically a translucent tuxedo with a monocle. Where the real beauty comes in is seeing this as a figural representation in solid, flat white, and fading into translucent, ghostly areas at the cape’s edges and lower legs. The finer details like the stitching around the lapels really cements this as artful. A pure white pistol is a very neat touch, as is the solid white cane.

Whether or not you care about comics, or Gentleman Ghost is kinda aesthetically astounding.

(Many aspects of this body were later reused for The Joker.)

toys


I love MonstreHero.

I chatted with them for a few minutes when I ran into them at NYCC, while I was still writing for ToyCyte. They are a revelation about the amazing, innovative art that can be made by two dudes working with limited space and materials, and a lot of genius. I took a photo of them that I’ve never published before – they seem to be behind-the-scenes kinda guys, like many of my favorite people. I’ve still never seen a picture of Bob Conge, but was immensely honored when he actually sent me a brief e-mail to compliment my Spaceman.

MONSTREHERO

I bought the PITA Intergladiator figure from them this past summer, and recently, I bought one of their Lazer Blazer Skullminions. There were six and they sold out within 48 hours, I believe.

monstrehero_skullminion

You need to fill your life with small reminders of inspiration and beauty, not just ‘things’. You can always buy things later. Or sell them, and buy them back when they matter again. Meaningfulness is a cycle.

Addendum : Apparently, my order never went through, because the Internet is a fickle mistress and I am a disappointment magnet. Maybe next time. I really liked these, too.